The father tells his son..

• Well you see, it’s like this, I make the money and bring it home, so therefore I am the Capitalist
• Your mother manages and administers the money, so she is like the Government
• Your grandfather monitors and oversees things to make sure that everything is in order and running smoothly, so therefore he is like the Trade Union
• Our maid does all the manual labour around the house, so she is like the Working Class
• We all have a common purpose, namely your well being; consequently you are like the People and your little brother in diapers represents the Future

Do you understand my son?
The little boy thinks about it and tells his father that he’ll sleep on it and think about it some more…

During the night the little boy wakes up because his little brother has filled his diapers and is crying terrribly
Because the little boy isn’t sure what to do, he goes to his parents bedroom…

• He finds his mother lying in bed but because she is sleeping so soundly, he can’t seem to wake her up…
• So the boy proceeds to the maid’s room for assistance, where he finds his father in bed with the maid, while his grandfather is inconspicuously watching the action through a bedroom window
• Everyone is so occupied with what they are doing that they don’t even notice the little boy standing in front of them…
• So because no one comes to his aid,  the young lad decides to go back to bed again…

The next morning the father asks his son if he’d given more thought to the question of politics and if so, to explain in his own words how it works…

“Yes” answers the boy…

• The Capitalist screws the Working Class
• The Unions stand idly by and watch while the Government sleeps
• The People are completely ignored
• And the Future lies in Shit

That’s how Politics works

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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

—————–

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

—————–

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

—————–

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

—————–

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

—————–

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

—————–

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

—————–

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

—————–

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

—————–

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

—————–

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh….

—————–

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

—————–

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

—————–

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

—————–

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a depositionnotice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

—————–

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on deadpeople?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

—————–

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

—————–

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing anautopsy on him!

—————–

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

—————–

And this…. well what can I say…

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

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I thought… well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids came into breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for the office, i was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, “Good Morning Boss, Happy Birthday!” It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o’clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your birthday, let’s go out to lunch, just You and Me.”

I said, “thanks Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. let’s go!” We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two Martinis each and i enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day… we don’t need to go back to the office, do we?” I responded, “I guess not. what do you have in mind?” she said, “let’s go to my apartment.”

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I’ll be right back.” “OK.” I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake… followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.

And I just sat there on the couch… NAKED.

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