Imran Khan – imrank.org

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Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don’t let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months. 
Clifford Stoll

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
Carl Sagan

Technology…is a queer thing. It brings you great gifts with one hand, and it stabs you in the back with the other.
Charles Percy

For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled.
Richard Feynman

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
Ann Landers

I hate television. I hate it as much as peanuts. But I can’t stop eating peanuts.
Orson Welles

In science the important thing is to modify and change one’s ideas as science advances.
Herbert Spencer

Science fiction is no more written for scientists than ghost stories are written for ghosts.
Brian W. Aldiss

The ‘Net is a waste of time, and that’s exactly what’s right about it.
William Gibson

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn’t get bigger or heavier.
Bill Gates

If you can’t beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
Anon

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Apple introduces revolutionary new laptop with no keyboard.

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This cartoon got the Best Political Cartoon Award.

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Muhammad Ali (Cassius Marcellus Clay) was born on 17th January 1942 in Louisville, Kentuck (USA). He accepted Islam in 1964. Ali won World Heavyweight Championship three times and was also the winner of an Olympic Light-Heavyweight Gold medal.  In 1999, he was crowned “Sportsman of the Century” by Sports Illustrated and the BBC.

Below are Muhammad Ali’s famous quotes:

1. Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.
2. Don’t count the days, make the days count.
3. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
4. Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.
5. Hating people because of their color is wrong. And it doesn’t matter which color does the hating. It’s just plain wrong.
6. I believe in the religion of Islam. I believe in Allah and peace.
7. I hated every minute of training, but I said, ”Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”
8. I never thought of losing, but now that it’ s happened, the only thing is to do it right. That’s my obligation to all the people who believe in me. We all have to take defeats in life.
9. I wish people would love everybody else the way they love me. It would be a better world.
10. It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe.
11. It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I just beat people up.
12. It’s lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself.
13. Love is a net that catches hearts like a fish.
14. My toughest fight was with my first wife.
15. My way of joking is to tell the truth. That’s the funniest joke in the world.
16. Silence is golden when you can’t think of a good answer.
17. Superman don’t need no seat belt.
18. The man who has no imagination has no wings.
19. The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.
20. There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.

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To all my friends who sent me good luck for 2008, it did fuck all. So for 2009 could u plz send either cash or vouchers. Thank You and Happy New Year.

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May God give you true happiness and great pleasures in 2009.

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Guy says to his wife: darling, what would you do if I said I’ve won the lottery?

Wife replies: I’d take half then leave u.

Guy says: excellent! I had three numbers and won a tenner. Here’s a fiver – now fuck off!

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You’d start out dead and get it out of the way. Then, wake up in an old peoples’ home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. At retirement – 18 years of age – you drive the sports car you can actually enjoy!

You eat what you want, you party… and you get ready to start school. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then …

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day… And then, you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case

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If these are true, then they are very amusing indeed!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh….

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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a depositionnotice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on deadpeople?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing anautopsy on him!

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

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And this…. well what can I say…

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law

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