Imran Khan – imrank.org

Over the past months I have forwarded funny pictures and jokes to friends and relatives whom I thought shared the same sense of humour.
 
Unfortunately this appears not to have been the case and I may have upset quite a few people who have accused me of being sexist and shallow. If you were one of these people, please accept my humblest apologies.

From now on I will only send email’s with a cultural or educational content such as old monuments, nature and other interesting structures.

Below, you’ll find a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Paris .

For those of you who are interested, Pont Neuf is the oldest bridge in Paris and took 26 years to build.

Construction began in 1578 and ended in 1604. ‘Le Pont Neuf’ is actually made of 2 independent bridges, one with seven arches and the other with five arches.  

Fascinating.

Oops !

From where did she came from! May be, she was just passing by and got attracted by beautiful flowers.

Now you cannot count this as my mistake.

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How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.

What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don’t have balls to scratch.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she’s been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those ‘evolutionary things’ that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with ‘A man once told me…’

How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required  pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%..
It’s called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who can handle the bullshit!

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I received this from one of my friends and could not resist myself to share this with you guys.

A Wife is a Wife,
no matter who
THE HELL
you are!!

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1. If you can’t describe what you are doing as a process, you don’t know what you’re doing.
   W. Edwards Deming
   
2. Success is getting what you want, and happiness is wanting what you get.
   Dave Gardner
   
3. When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.
   Thomas Szasz
   
4. Work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like no one’s watching.
   Unknown Author
   
5. If you want work well done, select a busy man; the other kind has no time. 
   Elbert Hubbard
   
6. It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.
   Walt Disney
   
7. Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. 
   John Wilmot
   
8. Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don’t let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.
   Clifford Stoll
   
9. It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
   Ralph Waldo Emerson
   
10. Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them. 
    Dick Van Dyke

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Husband went to Dubai & sent an SMS to wife:

“Having a wonderful time, wish u were HER…!”

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The most-wanted mobile phones in the world are all currently in one place – Barcelona, Spain.

That’s where the annual Mobile World Congress takes place, the event where all the big-name manufacturers announce their latest top handsets.

Highlights include a Sony Ericsson packing a 12 megapixel camera, the first touchscreen-only Google Android phone and an LG phone you can wear as a watch.

Take a look through MSN gallery to see these and the other top upcoming mobile phones.
http://tech.uk.msn.com/features/gallery.aspx?cp-documentid=14251544

Source: MSN UK

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Funny babies in action. This will put a smile on your face. I am damn sure about this.

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This is very old video and I am sure you all have watched this before. Have a look again and I am sure this will put a laugh in your day. 

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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.

UNNEWS, Teh Intarwbe — Following months of eager anticipation from men and women across the world, UnNews has today announced the launch of UnValentine’s Day. UnNews’ chief propaganda executive, Dave, made the following statement from his underground cave in Sweden. “This momentous day will become a permanent fixture in the lives of countless millions of people, who for years have suffered in silence every February 14th.”

“But this day is not just for single losers who sit alone in their grotty bedsit with a warm plate of microwave macaroni, it is also for those unfortunate souls who remain trapped in pointless and doomed relationships.”

Dave has released a list of the types of people who are most likely to want to join in the celebrations of UnValentine’s Day:

• Men whose wives have put on more than two stone since they were married.
• Women whose husbands have put on more than three stone since they were married.
• Gay people.
• Couples who have sex only three times a year (two birthdays and Valentine’s Day).
• People who plan to leave their partners right after Valentine’s Day .
• Married couples who stay together ‘for the kids’.

Those who wish to partake in UnValentine’s Day are being advised to try one or more of the following activities:

• Send someone you hate an UnValentine’s card, to show them just how much you hate them.
• Rather than chocolates and flowers, send a bag full of razor blades, or put small pieces of glass in some chocolate. Use your imagination.
• For men who fall into categories one or six above, refuse to go to that expensive restaurant on February 14th, and spend the money on a case of Stella instead. You can then enjoy a restful evening by the TV.
• For women who fall into category four, let him spend all his hard earned cash in that expensive restaurant but keep those legs firmly shut when it comes to bedtime. You may need a good excuse, so try to think of something more believable than the usual ‘headache’. Herpes should work in this instance.
• For women whose husbands choose to enjoy a restful evening by the TV with a can of Stella on Thursday, try having an affair, possibly with your local UnNews reporter.

As well as being embraced by the working classes across the globe, UnValentine’s Day has also attracted much attention from politicians and celebrities, with a number of well known faces intending to participate. These include President George W Bush, who will send an UnValentine’s card to every single American citizen, and Paul McCartney, who plans to punch Heather in the face.

Source: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/

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A GYM in London has replaced its dumbbells with human weights – including dwarves who shout encouragement to motivate exercise.

Gymbox at Bank – in the centre of the capital’s financial district – today introduced its bizarre fitness regime with human weights ranging from a 155kg man to a 30kg female.

The human dumbbells wear black leotards with their weights printed across their chests and sit on adapted machines to let the weightlifter visualise what they are lifting.

Gymbox owner Richard Hilton said it wasn’t a gimmick but rather about having a human weightlifting device as the “ultimate embodiment of visualisation theory”.

“Creating a mental image or intention of what you want to happen or feel is proven to improve physical and psychological performance,” Mr Hilton said.

“We’re optimistic our members will see better results with our new human weight machine.”

The gym boss said the troupe would also shout encouragement.

The human weights range from “Dainty Diva” Arti Shah, 32, who weighs just 30kg, up to “Super Human” Matt Barnard, 37, who weighs 155kg. Other men and women in between weigh 55, 65 and 75 kilograms.

The gym has also been offering classes called “‘chav fighting” and “WAG workouts” designed to make women more attractive to footballers.

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