Imran Khan – imrank.org

Response to a ‘Marriage Proposal’ advertisement!
This is in Punjabi English – Please don’t laugh, dead serious

Dear Madam:

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinkin and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do ? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday… That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff wit anticipation.

Expecting soon

Yours and only yours
Choudhary Warraich, born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab

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Enjoy the ride. There is no return ticket.

IF YOU DON’T READ THIS TO THE VERY END, YOU HAVE LOST A DAY IN YOUR LIFE. AND WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED, DO AS I AM DOING AND SHARE IT WITH OTHERS.

George Carlin’s Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m four and a half!’ You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m gonna be 16!’ You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life ! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony.YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling.. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone…

But! wait!! ! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30,  PUSH 40, REACH 50 and makeit to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into ! your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; ‘I Was JUST 92.’

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. ‘I’m 100 and a half!’
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. ! Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s  family name is Alzheimer’s.
4.  Enjoy the simple things.
5.  Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6.  The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don’t take guilt trips.. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. And if you don’t send this to at least 8 people – who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!

Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘..holy cow ….what a ride!’

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Some more funny pictures for you. I like them and hope you will like too.

Gotta love a business owner with a sense of humor.

Immaturity – some people never grown up (My Favourite)

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An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

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A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, I’ll give each of you just one wish.

Me first! Me first! says the admin clerk. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Puff! She’s gone.

Me next! Me next! says the sales rep. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. Puff! He’s gone.

OK, you’re up, the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, I want those two back in the office after lunch.

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, Iwill give you £800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, Who was that? It was Bob the next door neighbour, she replies. Great, the husband says, did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

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This is for my Urdu speaking audience. I will be posting more videos for Pakistan Independence day till 14th August.

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An email from one website owner to another website owner. This is really funny.

Subject: Images on your site

hello:

I must say, I am quite upset. I have been using images from your web site on my web site for long time now and suddenly they are gone. And I am concerned. I am using my web site to build up my business which is not easy and you should changed the location or deleted them or something.

My concern is that if you do not upload the images again I might have to contact my lawyer as I am using these images for the purpose of advertising and this sudden change without warning means I have to find where you have moved them and to get them working again.

Why would you do such a thing? I am an honest business man and small business like mine never get respect. I hope you realize it look me long time to find images I liked. Now I have to find your images again. Please put them back right away. I don’t think you want me to call my lawyer about this.

Please contact me either at this email or at xxx to resolve this matter.
Sincerely
xxx

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